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 unfinished short story View next topic
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 1:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Sitting in the drywall dust covered camping chair in the converted barn in his backyard, Mat sat quietly, contemplatively. Thinking about what to do next, what to steal, what to win, what to claim. He took a long draw on his spliff, held it, trying to capture the maximum effect of the chemicals he was inhaling, wanting to become intoxicated by it, to revel in its wonderous abilities to dilute one's reality into a vast and open sea of thought.
He blew the smoke up to the ceiling light, the smoke swirling around in the heat of the bulb like night creatures drawn to a fly zapper. He stared at the complex unsolvable pattern of the air-filled smoke, as if all the answers to all his questions lay in there. Staring, concentrating, he watched as the smoke withered and dispersed into the atmosphere of the room, leaving a distinct pungent ordor; the unmistakable trace of marijuana being burned, consumed, used.
Mat brought his right leg off the wooden floor and onto his left knee, an effective relaxation technique when idling or pondering. The joint was burning slow and strong.
"Some good weed" he commented to not only himself but to the family of squirrels resting peacefully in the loft above.
It had been a cold winter, albeit for the random warm fronts that brought with them rain and sometimes hail, all of which in turn caused mat the desire for intensive heating and insulation. It was fairly warm in there and Mat was wearing no winter coat for there was no need. The squirrels above him on the other hand could not feel a single wave of heat from his propane heater due to the complete enclosure of the room.
He drew another toke out of the slow and pleasantly burning joint.
In but a few minutes it would be ecstuinguished and nothing more than a resinous roach fit for the ashtray or perhaps a gift for one of his less than fortunate smoking buddies.
He wondered if there were others out there doing ust as he were; enjoying a safe and harmless substance all by one's self. Some people have said that smoking alone is a burden act of depressing qualities, but for Mat, this was his way of digging into his mind, digging tunnels and clearing away fallen rubble and debris. The best part of it all was that he was utterly alone. Alone to think, to ponder, plan, dream.
He turned his vision towards the perplexing movement of the fire fueled by a constant supply of propane. It was the sole source of the heat in the room. It turned a frigid stale room where the hands of cold gripped and strangled life out of the unsuspecting and turned it into a warmth-filled get-away, a second-rate paradise in which he could retreat to freely and comfortably.
There was a polished wooden oak coffee table in the middle of the rectangular barn room which supported a bong, a bag containing some of the most potent bud in the neighbourhood, and an assortment of valuable merchandise and cash from his latest heist.
His latest heist proved to be a financial success and another check off his list of victims.

I will type the rest out later. I'm still just experimenting with writing. Enjoy what you can.
Bad Ass Toker
Bad Ass Toker

Joined: Jul 25, 2005
Posts: 9

PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 7:47 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I'm liking it, it'd be cool to see a lil more about the character and how he goes about the robbery.
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

He managed to brake in unnoticed, silently creeping along the dim hallway untill he accidentally kicked what might have been a dog's chewing bone or a children's toy. Two things happened at once: his heart did double time, his hands becoming moisture dispencers and he heard the sound of footsteps at the other end of the hall. He had to do something. He diligently backtraced his steps towards to the window of which he entered until he realized that it had slid shut on its own accord. The window was a task in itself to open for it took him almost a whole three minutes to open it without making the slightest noise. Ruthlessness was not Mat's specialty and he wanted to do this right, un-detected. He had the choice to bail out of the scene all-together while letting the homeowner know that he had a break-in or hide somewhere in the depths of the dwelling.
He chose the later option, finding a spot behind a leather sofa across from the window, crouching next to a wodden girraffe that stood silent guard of the house. He could hear the homeowner lazily dragging his feet across the hardwood floor and paused in the kitchen area. Mat supposed that whoever it was was waiting for any kind of abnormal sound that might indicate the source of suspicion. His heart thumped triumphantly in his chest and secretly prayed that the owner couldn't hear his chest's revertebrating drum beat.
Seconds passed with Mat trying to breathe as lightly as he could, knowing that any alien noise could destroy the whole operation. Although this was a tiny job compared to others he has done, he desperately didn't want to fail this heist; thousands of dollars were tucked away in a safe of which he intended to gain access to.
The homeowner wadded to the refridgerator, rummaged through and brought out a dish full of left-over food. He unwrapped it and put it into the microwave.
A nerve misfired in Mat's system, shocking him into a dim rage for that he certainly didn't feel like hiding behind a godamn couch while his victim ate pleasurably, taking his time. He had other things to do, beside this is an easy job and it should not and will not be any more difficult than it has been.
Mat reached into his side pocket and brought out the cannister in front of him. A grim smile spread over his face but died as suddenly as it came. He left his supplies outside the window, although he didn't actually think it would come to this.
It was already 3:00 but the home's owner felt more hungry that sleepy. Pasta always did the trick. He always had left-overs for a quick fix, first to the microwave then to his belly. Pasta has always been his most second favourite food compared to the delicious donuts he always brought home after work from the bakery, but tonight he desired pasta more than ever. If his hunger hadn't woken him up, he thought, he might never had been able to fullfill an appetite like tonight. He licked his lips in desire. But first, as his mother used to say, "if he had to tinkle, he best do so", and thus he went prompyly after the dish in the microwave was set to three minutes on high.
"Perfect", Mat gleamed as he watched the overweight man lazily tumble away into the darkness of the hallway and shut a door behind him. "Piss time for fatty".
This was his chance to grab his mask and set off the wonderfully useful sleeping gas.
He'd had done this before on two occasions but only as a last resort. This was certainly not a last resort but mostly a lazy attempt to get things done and over with, the sooner the better.
He got up from his less than perfect hiding spot from behind the sofa and dashed across the living room towards to window that operated as his means of entering and escaping. He forcefully lifted it up this time, not taking his time as before, the window generating a pleasantly audiable "schreee" sound as it allowed passage.
He leaned forwards, his belly pressing against the sill reaching for the bag with his outstretched arms. He grasped a strap and hauled the bag up with its contents he had packed for "just in case". It contained a pellet gun, a halloween mast of the horror villain Michael Myers, fake blood, a lock pick, a crowbar, and a gas mask. He intended only to use one of the items from the ensemble but remembering the halloween mask brought a new light to the definition of what "fun" is.
He brought the pack up to his chest after fully climbing back into the house and took out the gas mask along with the halloween mask. Hopefully the mask was big enough to fit over the gas mask or he would have to quickly switch masks when he opened up the can of sleeping gas on the unsuspecting fat man.
Mat heard the sound of a toilet flushing and then the flow of water from a faucet. He knew his time was running short so he threw the backpack out the window, closed the annoyingly noisy window, and dashed to cover behind the sofa with gas mask in one hand, halloween mask in the other and a smile on his face.

Unfinished as of yet..

PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:07 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Oh and thanks for replying twizted. Smile
Intergalactic Toker!
Intergalactic Toker!

Joined: Oct 04, 2005
Posts: 931
Location: Near NYC, New York

PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 11:54 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

hey man if you ever want some editing done hit me up. i cant write a fictional story for shit but i could find grammar and spelling mistakes in mark twains writing.
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 12:05 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Sandwich wrote:
hey man if you ever want some editing done hit me up. i cant write a fictional story for shit but i could find grammar and spelling mistakes in mark twains writing.

Aha right on man. I'm not good at the commas and whatever ; are called and are used for.
Intergalactic Toker!
Intergalactic Toker!

Joined: Oct 04, 2005
Posts: 931
Location: Near NYC, New York

PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 12:32 am Reply with quoteBack to top

MeNtAlPaTiEnT wrote:
Sandwich wrote:
hey man if you ever want some editing done hit me up. i cant write a fictional story for shit but i could find grammar and spelling mistakes in mark twains writing.

Aha right on man. I'm not good at the commas and whatever ; are called and are used for.

lol semicolon, its used in place of a period where you want two ideas to be in the same sentence, but they don't have to be. i think two independent clauses but i never learned that shit really i swear to god my 9th grade english teacher is the fucking craziest hippie ex alcie ex druggie fucking nutso lady and i learned shit in her class. newagey her room is covered in all this shit she dresses in bright colors yells random shit and tries to boss everyone around. yelled at me for not having electricity in my house for 5 days. lol sorry a bit of a rant there but seriously fuck her.
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 12:36 am Reply with quoteBack to top

lol. my grade 9 english teacher was caught having sexual relations with a student not too long ago. I remember looking at her big tits.. those sweet juicy, lucious tits...Anyways, thanks for the help with the semi colon thing. I guess i'll have to look into it a bit more for examples.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:06 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Right with semi-colons; when you want to bring two, independent clauses together you use a semi-colon.
I still remember my 9th grade English teacher, Mrs. Weinecke. All my teachers loved me so I usually breezed through classes. But I remember this kid whipped out his dick in class and peed in the trash can, in front of everyone, including the teacher. I was rolling on the floor laughing, because he warned her, LOL. I still laugh everytime I think about it, lol.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:28 am Reply with quoteBack to top

LOL what the fuck man? He just stood up, went over to the trash can and started pissing? Was he some retarted kid or a class clown type of guy? That's funny stuff.
These 'independant clauses' are basically sentences, that can link to one another by reletivety of some sort right? Bah

PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:54 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Yeah, he was a class clown. He had asked the teacher if he could go to the bathroom and she said no. Then he told her that he would just pee in the trash can because he couldn't hold it, then he did it, lol. It was pretty funny. Even funnier, there was a guy named Preston in the class who was gay and became infatuated with him after that, lol.
On independent clauses. And independent clause is a sentence, or a complete expression of thought. You can either allow an independent clause to stand alone, or if two independent clauses are weak you can make them into a compound sentence, with the use of either a comma or a semicolon. Usually when you use a comma you use a conjunction (and, but, for, or, etc.) after the comma; when using a semicolon you usually leave the conjunction out, as I did here.
Sometimes you can use adverbs to make a compound sentence, using a semicolon, if you use words such as however, moreover, therefore, etc.
That cat has been chasing a mouse all day; however, he will never catch it.
Hope that helps.
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